I honestly, can’t say that what I have is baby fever. It’s more like a longing…that never goes away. It’s not seasonal. It doesn’t occur only when I see someone else is pregnant. It’s always there.
Today, I started my period. Much to my dismay, but I’m not surprised. In less than 3 weeks I will be 33 years old. I was hoping that today I would miss the dreaded period and finally be able to say I am pregnant. I can’t and it kills me.
It kills me because I can’t talk about it with anyone. It kills me because I know I’m the only female in my family that is struggling to get pregnant. It kills me that I seem to be the only one who wants this.
My boyfriend is not the most supportive. He claims he can’t wait to have children; he wants to know how they look; we will have one soon. Except, when I tell him that I’m late a day, or my cycle is different all I get is a “shut-up, why are you so obsessed?”
Probably because being a mother would be the most amazing thing to ever occur in my life. Mostly because I am hoping that I’m not infertile and despite all of this one day I will be a mom.
I am loosing hope every day, every cycle.
Here’s hoping this helps.