Baby Fever

I honestly, can’t say that what I have is baby fever.  It’s more like a longing…that never goes away.  It’s not seasonal.  It doesn’t occur only when I see someone else is pregnant.  It’s always there.

Today, I started my period.  Much to my dismay, but I’m not surprised.  In less than 3 weeks I will be 33 years old.  I was hoping that today I would miss the dreaded period and finally be able to say I am pregnant.  I can’t and it kills me.

It kills me because I can’t talk about it with anyone.  It kills me because I know I’m the only female in my family that is struggling to get pregnant.  It kills me that I seem to be the only one who wants this.

My boyfriend is not the most supportive.  He claims he can’t wait to have children; he wants to know how they look; we will have one soon.  Except, when I tell him that I’m late a day, or my cycle is different all I get is a “shut-up, why are you so obsessed?”

Probably because being a mother would be the most amazing thing to ever occur in my life.  Mostly because I am hoping that I’m not infertile and despite all of this one day I will be a mom.

I am loosing hope every day, every cycle.

Here’s hoping this helps.

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